A Letter From Deepak

Another example of why SoulCollage is so valuable.

Find more wonderful answers from Deepak at DeepakChopra.com

This is a letter I found on his site, not a letter from me.

Ask Deepak: I’m losing all my friends

December 4, 2008


Most of my life I have been disassociated from people. It is effortless for me to unknowingly alienate friends, associates and family. Sometimes I feel like I am on a path of self-destruction although I would not consciously hurt myself, I don’t let myself grow either. I have the tools; knowledge, guidance and love, to heal but I don’t use them. As my children and I age, I find myself seeking friendships but strangely enough when I found a friend she lost her job and moved away. We are still in touch through email, but I really want a friend. My husband and I have achieved a moderately warm relationship after 22 years but we are both a little reserved. He has his own issues, although he’s a wonderful person, father and teacher. What do I have to let go of in order to let myself heal and have friends? A year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD which may explain my painful experience with lifelong associates. (Everyone criticizes me all the time, except my one cyber-friend of three years).


The best way to overcome the power of unconscious habits is to make them fully conscious. That means you not only see what you are doing, and understand it, but more importantly you forgive yourself for it as well. This reintegrates that disconnected, unconscious part t of you back into the realm of conscious living.

So you see that you are emotionally disconnecting from those around you, but why do you do that? What is the payoff? Is it because that is safer than risking emotional disappointment? Is it because the channels of emotional satisfaction that initially pulled you into relationship have fundamentally changed for you and you no longer feel any juice in the old connections? Or perhaps you have just entered a phase in your life where you need to focus primarily on your internal processes and so you are naturally withdrawing your attention from others. Whatever it might be, find that narrative, or narratives and see how it might be serving your highest needs right now.

From there it is a short step to feeling okay about it, forgiving yourself for telling yourself that you are doing something wrong. Once you step into the rightness of what is actually happening, you free yourself up to take advantage of whatever next step of growth you need.